This past weekend, Outdoors D was camping and made a MAJOR mistake: He didn’t read the posted signs. Needless to say, he’s not doing so hot these days. See below for further details.
In the meantime, the following post was sent in by Outdoors D via hand-written letter:
10 Signs Kids Should Know
Kids, I’m not going to kid ya. Reading posted signs is a very important thing to pay attention to. It’s all part of being outside and having fun with your friends and family. So, please heed the warnings on the following signs – all of which have caused me (Outdoors D) significant pain over the years…
10. Eye Protection Required
If you see this sign, I’d recommend popping on a set of safety goggles. As with every sign, if someone has gone out of their way to post it, there’s probably a reason.
Outdoors D lost his eyelashes in a Grade 7 chemistry class. They never grew back.
It’s too bad I didn’t have a great website like the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety to tell me all about Safety Glasses and Face Protectors.
9. First Aid Sign
This is one you should pay attention to, you never know when you or someone you know will require medical attention. If trouble happens next time you’re on the trails, look around for this one!
Outdoors D once slipped, fell, and broke his leg only 30 meters from one of these signs. If I had known it’s meaning, perhaps I wouldn’t have laid in that ditch for 3 days only drinking rain water and forced to nourish myself with the 24-pack of donuts I just so happened to be carrying in my pack. Truthfully, it wasn’t that bad. I gained 6 pounds.
Perhaps we could all learn something from the Essential First Aid Guide for Kids.
8. Escape Route Sign
If you’re in a location with this sign, perhaps you should reconsider the places you frequent. Nevertheless, you should be aware that many schools, libraries, grocery stores, and even sports arenas have safe routes out of the building in case of emergency. If you smell smoke, chances are you should head towards the Escape Route Sign.
Outdoors D use to use the garage door as his escape route when his wife asked him to do chores.
Outdoors D doesn’t do that anymore.
Prepare your family in case of fire by Practicing Fire Drills at Home.
Poison! Poison! Poison! The skull and cross bones symbol is used in thousands of household items, so be aware of it!
For example, you can find this symbol on:
• Cleaning supplies;
• Insect sprays;
• Motor oil;
• Outdoors D’s lower back (long story).
Here’s a full list of household items that can contain poisons: Poisonous Household Products.
You’ll find this sign on trucks, containers, and private sheds. If you see this sign, be very careful and don’t stick around to find out why it’s there.
Unlike Outdoors D, who lost his favourite eyebrow after a freak explosion at the local Wal-Mart Garden Centre. Why was I lighting tiki torches inside the store? My lawyer asked the same question.
Want to learn about explosive materials you should avoid? Visit this Explosive Materials wikipedia page.
5. No Diving
Why would someone think to post a sign like this? Probably because the water is too shallow to dive into – you could really hurt yourself! Trust me. Water signs are important ones to know, so visit the Water Safety Signs website.
Ever notice how Outdoors D’s face is a little flat? Hmm…
4. High Voltage
As a rule, if you can’t read, then just avoid “lightning bolts”. Any sign that has a lightning bolt usually means something bad. So next time you’re in a place with one of these, step away and go do something else.
Like, learn to read. Start here: Electrical Safety for Kids.
Unfortunately, Outdoors D learnt this lesson when he was 25 years old. Thankfully, my toenails grew back! Unlike, my leg hair.
3. Washroom Sign
You’d be surprised how important it is to know whether you’re the “girl in the dress” or the “boy with broad shoulders”. Because you’re most likely one of them. Things can get mighty embarrassing if you don’t know the difference.
Why do you think Outdoors D is no longer allowed in the Cleveland Airport?
If you’d like to teach your little brother or sister the basic signs in your neighbourhood or area, Go on a Sign Hunt. This will teach kids some very important signs in a fun and interactive way.
Ah, the ol’ red octagon. Did you know that no other official sign is shaped like an octagon? So, when you see this shape: STOP!
Look around. See what’s up. Then proceed.
It’s quite simple.
Even Outdoors D knows this one…
1. Recycling Sign
If kids learn this sign early in life, perhaps there’s hope that future generations will continue to practice “recycling” through education.
Next time you’re spending the afternoon with a kid or a foreigner, make sure they understand what this sign means.
Here’s 50 Things You Can Recycle.
Obviously, Outdoors D knows about recycling, because he loves the outdoors. Right?
Well… here’s the thing:
This past weekend, Outdoors D may have experienced what could potentially be his last hooray in the great outdoors. While camping in Long Point Provincial Park on Lake Erie, he neglected some very important signs while strolling down the beach.
They read: This beach contains ticks capable of spreading lyme disease.
Well known as a bit of a “nude-swimmer”, Outdoors D remains in hiding until the symptoms subside. If you’d like to send Outdoors D a Get Well Soon message, or any form of encouragement during his illness, please mail him at:
Get Well Soon Outdoors D!
℅ Andy Camper
858 Bank St. Suite 103
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada